It's Not Easy Being Honest
by SoftlySoftlyCatcheeMonkeyy
Summary: Beca has the night from hell followed by the night from heaven. Can she find some stability now she's a hotshot DJ?
1. Chapter 1

For weeks now, Beca had been playing out a series of arguments with her parents over her 'career' - neither her mother nor father credited deejaying as a valid and sustainable career choice but her father had at least made a deal that he would fund her passion for music for 2 years and if it didn't work out she'd be on her own and ultimately forced to seek a 'real job'.

Much to Mr Mitchell's surprise Beca had actually managed to make quite the career out of those 2 years and she had only progressed since. What Beca's parents hadn't anticipated was their daughter's descent into drink, drugs and parties. It wasn't like the DJ had a problem, she had just lost herself a little somewhere along the way and it concerned her parents to see articles and damaging photos of their daughter every week.

After the mother of all arguments in which her parents teamed together to read Beca the riot act, the DJ hopped on a plane and flew out to LA to get somee advice from her best friend, Jesse. Except the young woman came away with some different sort of advice - or at least an attempt at - because as soon as she arrived the pair had a heated argument about Beca's tendency to drop in and out of people's lives without pre-warning. So the brunette abandoned her friend and headed for the nearest bar with the intention of drowning her sorrows.

"This is your last one, after this I'm not serving you anymore." The bartender warned as he slammed the shot glass down, masterfully pouring tequila into it at the same time. Beca frowned and rolled her eyes at the man's words.

"I'm not kidding, you're tiny and this is your 8th drink so I'd appreciate you calling it a night before you blackout in my bar." The man added with a stern look.

Beca frowned some more before doing a 360 degree spin in her stool. "Why do you that? All that magician crap with the bottles, what's wrong with just pouring a drink normally?" The bartender could just about decipher Beca's words between the slurs and giggles.

"To be honest, I don't really know, it's just for show; one of the requirements of being a barman is having the skill and agility to toss glass bottles and shakers over your shoulder and look cool while you do it. When you think about it, it's a pretty douchey thing to do; now go home!"

He was completely accurate in his assessment of the act, but as he busied himself with collecting glasses and serving other customers, Beca felt the need to try her own hand at this "magician crap." The brunette climbed across the bar to grab the tequila bottle and threw it in the air, over her shoulder. Predictably, she failed to catch it in time so as it smashed instantly after making contact with the floor, an almighty shriek filled the bar.

A tan, leggy blonde started freaking out and hurling abuse at Beca for the incident, "what the fuck are you doing?! You nearly hit me, you bitch!" She yelled in Beca's face.

Normally, Beca would be quick to apologise and resolve such a situation; but tonight, Beca was drunk, which meant the underlying cockiness in her personality came out to play. "Calm down, barbie. You said it yourself it nearly hit you, but it didn't, so quit your moaning and hop back on your podium and give the fine men here a dance. I bet you're itching to get out of that dress and milk these guys for every dollar in their wallet. Tell me, do you charge extra for a fumble in the back alley or do you just enjoy contracting an exotic range of STIs like they're stamps?" Beca winked at the blonde. Deep down she knew now wasn't the time to be making jokes about strippers, but she was drunk, so the brain-to-mouth filter was taking a night off.

Evidently the blonde didn't take Beca's words kindly because the next thing she knew, the blonde had latched onto the roots of Beca's hair and was trying to put the smaller woman in a headlock. _What did she think this was, WWE?_ A full-on catfight ensued - complete with scratching, clawing, eye gauging and even a quick bite - but the killer blow of Beca's head being slammed down hard on the bar brought the fight to an abrupt end as the side of Beca's head made contact with her previously used shot glass.

The bartender tore the two women apart before ordering everyone to get out before he called the police. Beca had only come out to drown her sorrows, but here she was battered and bruised with blood gushing down the side of her face. She certainly never expected her night to end like this. She didn't even get a bandaid.

For a split second Beca laughed outrageously to herself. Her first bar fight, she thought, that'll make a good story for her to tell on her next tour. Ok, it wasn't much of a fight on her end, there were far too many typically girly techniques being used for it to be considered a real fight, but she had claw marks on her face deep enough to draw blood; not to mention the glass her face collided with. It was something.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed something. It was one of those generic cliched posters designed with the intention of giving people a momentary sense of the ability to change their crappy, almost non-existent lives; you know the sort. The 6ft poster of a desolate, dimly lit highway surrounded by rows of forest pine trees was poorly plastered to the side of a brick building. Beca took a moment to adjust her blurry eyesight enough to make out the words slapped in the centre of the poster:

**The worst mistake you can make is walking away from the one person who actually stood there and waited for you**

Beca scoffed at the delusional message. "Why do people fall for that crap" she mumbled to herself while trying to maintain her balance. She wasn't even wearing heels but for some reason Beca felt the need to remove her shoes; there was something about the touch of the cold, hard ground underneath her feet that sobered Beca up slightly. She remembered the time her and Fat Amy went out and got so unbelievably drunk they decided to throw their shoes over a bridge and ever since then it had become tradition for Beca to walk home barefoot, her shoes hanging from the tips of her fingers.

The inebriated woman pulled her phone out of her pocket. Nothing. Just her luck, the battery had run out. So here she was in the middle of some unknown and eerily quiet street, alone and drunk, with less than 8 dollars in her back pocket, and now without a functioning phone. _Awesome_. The most prominent thought in her head wasn't how she was going to get back to her hotel, though. No, she was more concerned about where she could get a decent burger at 2 o'clock in the morning because she hadn't eaten anything all day and she had a sudden craving for a double cheeseburger.

No more than 30 yards down the street, an illumated vintage sign jutting out from the side of a building caught the attention of Beca and more importantly, the attention of her stomach.

**Ed's Easy Diner**

Beca didn't need anymore encouragement than that, she'd stumbled across a tiny slice of heaven on an otherwise somewhat catastrophic day and night and she planned to take full advantage of this minute bit of luck.

The diner was exactly like you'd imagine; retro and so unmistakably American, the diner possessed all the iconic symbols of a much loved period in time from the red stools and sofa booths, to the jukebox, and right down to the retro cash register. The manager had captured the spirit of the 50s so perfectly you would almost not care if the food didn't live up to the decor. Almost. Luckily for Beca this particular diner was a 24/7 place. Even better, there was nobody else in there besides the woman behind the counter so she didn't have to endure any uncomfortable looks and conversations about how she got the cut on her face.

It didn't take any time at all for Beca to obliterate the double cheeseburger and milkshake she'd ordered - the cashier took pity on her after seeing the state she was in and kindly offered the shake to her for free. Beca scanned her eyes across the room when she noticed a section of wall space at the back of the building was covered in illegible scribbles and drawings. Obviously, this intrigued her. She made her way over to the wall and began to trace her fingers over the various names and doodles.

"Ah, the mural." A rough voice uttered. "The manager had this genius idea when he first opened this place that regular customers could sign their names on that section of the wall. I've never really understood the point of it, he just mumbles something about it making the place feel more homely; personally I think it's a load of crap."

Beca agreed wholeheartedly but didn't want to say anything incase the woman was joking. It was pretty pointless, but it was also strangely endearing and Beca couldn't help but smile at some of the messages people had left. It was the next message she fixed her eyes on that made her smile the most, though.

**Beca 4 Chloe Forever 3**

At least momentarily, it did. As she traced her fingers along the outline of the words, a wave of joy and happiness washed over her. And then the consequential feeling of remorse and emptiness overwhelmed all of that. Beca couldn't seem to think of the good times she shared with Chloe without counteracting it all with the realisation that they were nothing more than distant memories now.

It had been 10 months since their break-up which, depending on how you look at it, was either undeniably long enough, or absolutely nowhere near long enough to have moved on with her life. Unfortunately for Beca there wasn't much choice, either she moved on or she moped around while the world moved on without her. She couldn't complain really, it was her fault they broke up. She fucked up and she only had herself to blame. Still, it was surprising she didn't recall this particular outing with the "light of her life". It was even more surprising that she didn't recognise the diner or the mural at all. Beca had a manic schedule but she wasn't so busy that she'd forget a place she seemingly frequented a lot whenever she came to LA to visit Chloe.

_I'm spending way too much time thinking about this she thought to herself._

The brunette bid goodnight - or morning - to the cashier before stepping out into the brisk air of the early morning. She stood in the doorway, staring into the distance, before her feet took it upon themselves to lead her somewhere. She wasn't consciously aware of where she was really going until she found herself standing outside a large block of modern apartments. She raised her arms to the column of buzzers on the wall but as her hand hovered over the buzzer next to Beale she felt smaller than ever before. _Why had she come here? What was she planning on saying to her? Would she even let her in? What if she had company?_

A thousand 'what ifs' popped into Beca's mind. She slowly backed away from the entrance, certain that she was the last person Chloe would want to see at 3 o'clock in the morning. But at that exact moment a cute elderly man came out of the building with his dog - why he would go for a walk in the middle of the night, Beca couldn't undertsand - but he was holding the door open for her so she felt obliged to thank him and go in anyway. The ever-broken elevator and subsequent trek up to the 12th floor wasn't something she'd missed about visiting Chloe, because as always, she was gasping for breath by the time she reached Chloe's door.

The brunette stood, hand clenched, inches away from the knocker. A moment passed - the longest moment of her life - before Beca hesitantly and timidly knocked on the door. She instantly regretted it. But it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

The door swung open to reveal a wave of luscious auburn locks and a very, very tired looking Chloe.

"Beca?" She exclaimed, doing a double take after rubbing the drowsiness from her eyes.

"Oh, crap. You were sleeping weren't you? Of course you were, it's like 3am. I'm really sorry I disturbed you, I'll let you get back to bed." Somehow the younger woman had reverted back to her shy, awkward self. She hadn't seen her ex in 10 months but in an instant she was back. Old habits really do die hard.

"No it's fine, your here now, you might as well come in." The older woman opened the door enough to allow Beca in and directed her towards the sofa. "Do you want a cup of coffee or something?"

"No that's alright, a glass of water will do, I'm pretty drunk." The brunette was cursing internally at her own ineptitude.

The redhead shuffled over to the couch with two glasses of water in her hand, setting them down on the table as she sank into the sofa. "So why are you here, Beca?"

"It's a long story." Beca began. She pulled the hood of her jacket down to reveal the scratch marks and remnants of blood on the side of her face.

"Jesus, Beca! What happened?" The concern in Chloe's voice was genuine, which could only be a good thing as far as Beca was concerned.

"Some chick in a bar provoked me, and well, I've always been more confident and cocky with a bit of liquid courage inside me." She shrunk inside herself just uttering those words.

"Did she come off as badly as you?"

"Not even close, I don't even think I grazed her." She was still closing in on herself.

Chloe giggled. "Well you never were much of a fighter, Beca Mitchell." She said with a wink. The redhead wandered into the bathroom and returned with a suture kit. "Here, let me clean and stitch that up for you." Chloe tentatively wiped the area clean, Beca wincing in pain as the redhead began to stitch up her cuts, and for a moment she stopped to look Beca in the eye. Instantly she found herself lost in the beauty of Beca's grey-blue eye. The look was deep and intense, it was as if they were both staring into each others souls and neither of them could pull themselves away.

Eventually, Beca broke the silence. "Thanks.. for this. You really didn't have to help me but I'll totally get out of your way now. Can I call a cab?" Chloe nodded in agreement. "Listen, I hate to ask but I don't have enough cash on me..."

"So you'd like me to lend you some.." Chloe interrupted. "You'd like me to pay for your cab which presumably will cost a bomb especially given the time... Why not just stay the night?"

"Um, I didn't think you'd want me to." Beca replied.

Chloe took this as her cue to clear the air and remove herself from the awkward atmosphere.

"Beca, I don't hate you, so please can we just stop walking on egg shells around each other? I'm not gonna send you home at this time, I'm more than happy to lend you my couch for the night." Chloe smiled that oh so familiar smile, the one that always made Beca melt.

Both women felt more at ease now that the elephant in the room had been acknowledged, why couldn't two people actually be friends after a break-up?

Beca took a few moments to take in the redecorating Chloe had done since she'd last set foot in the apartment. It was what you'd expect from a med student; modern, spacious, organised, basically unlived in. Chloe was graduating med school soon and would be begining her intern year at the teaching hospital in the city. They may not have spoken in months but Beca remembered Chloe mentioning she only had one year left, exactly about a year ago.

The redhead had left the room to collect some things and as she came back her arms were loaded with a selection of sugary treats; an unhealthy amount of sweets, chocolate, whipped cream, doughnuts, and oddly a box of strawberries.

"Jesus, Chloe, are you prepping for a party or is it that time of the month?" Beca joked.

Chloe scattered everything across the table in front of them and they began to tuck in. "I'd suggest we watch a movie but I know they were never your thing." Chloe skipped a beat. "So tell me, what are you doing in LA? I thought you were on some world tour or something."

"Yeah I was but that ended like 3 months ago, I'm kind of just taking what I can get at the moment. Works a bit dried up. I actually flew out to visit Jesse but we had an argument so I'm kind of avoiding him at the moment." Beca shrugged.

"And this fight, what exactly provoked you? You're not the violent type at all." The conversation had gone back to awkward. How could they have nothing to talk about?

"It doesn't matter. I just said some things which I guess in retrospect were pretty offensive, she attacked me first but I didn't think to stop it and apologise."

A few awkward moments of silence passed before Beca noticed something highly embarrassing but so ridiculously cute at the same time. On the mantelpiece sat an engraved silver frame with a picture of the Bellas after they won the ICCAs in Beca's freshman year.

"Wowww! _What_ is that?!" She smirked, pointing in the direction of the photo.

"What? I wanted a picture of all the Bellas to remind me of the one and only time I was on the winning team, that was a big moment for me."

"Okay, okay, I totally get that. But do you not think you could have picked a better photo? Like, when was that even taken, and were any of us even sober at that point? I thought you had an eye for good photos." Beca retorted.

"Beca Mitchell, are you mocking me?" Chloe shrilled, playfully digging Beca's side with her foot. "Well, I think it's cute. It reflects our true personalities, it shows our friendships."

"Oh it shows something alright, mainly Stacie's boobs!" Chloe kicked Beca in the side again. "Oh come on, Chloe, I'm just saying what we're both thinking, they take up like a third of the picture." Beca looked at the other woman with a knowing smile. "And if that reflects our true personalities then lord help us, I mean it says it all that Lily's got her head in the gutter and Amy's stolen some guys pants. And I don't even want to talk about what's going on with you and me."

"Oh you think that's bad, I have so many more. Let me go dig out my scrapbook, it has literally hundreds of terrible photos of us." The redhead rushed into her bedroom in search of the offending documentation.

The two women continued talking and reminiscing like this for almost 2 hours. They roasted marshmallows in the fireplace because Chloe remembered the time Beca confessed she never got to go camping as a child and therefore missed out on the greatest part of camp. They also gorged themselves on the remaining snacks and teasingly fed each other strawberries with whipped cream. It was just like old times, and they both knew it.

As Chloe closed the third and final scrapbook she had of photos of the two of them, Beca leaned in to wipe away the chocolate on Chloe's cheek. She licked it off with her finger and gently caressed her cheek as she cupped it with her hand. It was always her little sign to let Chloe know she loved her, she didn't intentionally do it for that reason, she just did it. And Chloe would always respond by nestling her face in deeper, the gentle and sensitive touch of Beca's hand on her face was blissful; perfect.

"Did you know it's impossible to look somebody in the eyes, like both of them at the same time. You can try it but you'll only end up looking at the bridge in the gap between. I'm telling you, it's impossible." The brunette uttered quietly, her hand still curved around Chloe's jaw.

"I bet I could do it, easy." The redhead was defiant. She pulled away from Beca's hand and positioned herself so her face was mere inches away from Beca's. Beca giggled to herself at Chloe's determination to prove her wrong, it was cute, she'd always been like this so it was nice to know she hadn't changed.

After a few minutes Chloe gave in and admitted defeat, but she still couldn't take her eyes away. She raised her hand to Beca's face to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear and in that moment the pair of them subconciously inched closer causing their lips to crash into one another.

Beca wanted it. Chloe wanted it. They both wanted it so badly and they could tell the other wanted it too. Beca glided both arms around Chloe's neck as she felt the redhead wrap her arms around her waist to pull her closer. The younger woman playfully bit her partners lower lip before trailing her tongue along the redheads jawline and down to the nook of the redhead's neck.

She worked her way back up to the the jawline again, teasingly sucking on the other woman's pulse point on the way causing a small whimper to escape from her lips. That was bound to leave a decent sized lovebite behind. Beca started to slide her hands down Chloe's body, reaching the hem of her trousers when she found herself being stopped.

"Ah ah ah, not just yet, beautiful." The redhead whispered seductively in Beca's ear. "Let's take this to the bedroom." And with that Chloe put Beca down beside her, took her by the hand and lead her into the dimly lit room.

Immediately Chloe was forced down onto the bed, her lover straddling her, completely dominating her. Beca meant business. She slipped her hand underneath Chloe's jersey and began massaging her left breast. It'd been so long since they were last intimate but it felt like nothing had changed at all, Beca still knew exactly how to please Chloe. At least she thought she did.

Just as Beca glided her remmaining hand along the hem of Chloe's trousers again she felt the redhead wriggle out from underneath her, the passion inside her burnt out. "What's the matter?" Beca whispered, still trying to maintain events.

"I'm sorry, Beca. I just- I can't. I thought I wanted to but I- I just can't." Chloe responded, somewhat embarrassed.

"Hey, that's ok! We don't have to do anything you don't want to, we can just go to sleep if you want. What do you want, babe?" Beca reassured her. The brunette was greatful Chloe had even let her in her apartment, she had never anticipated things going this far anyway.

Chloe remained silent for a few moments before mustering up "I just want you to hold me, just hold me for a bit."

And with that request Beca didn't need to say anything, she just moved up the bed to curl herself around Chloe and wrapped her arms around her waist tightly. She wasn't mad that she'd got her worked up like that and then asked to stop, she was more than happy to spend the next few hours holding the woman she loved. Because she did still love her.

"I'm really sorry." Beca whispered, her breath warming the back of Chloe's neck. "I never really gave you a valid explanation for why I did it, it was the dumbest decision I ever made and I don't go a single day without regretting it. I don't know what this is or what's going on between us but what I do know is that these past few hours have been some of the best of my life. I want more nights like this Chloe, because I still love you. I never stopped loving you."

Chloe could tell from the pain in her voice that it had taken a lot of courage for Beca to tell her that, she sounded like she was on the verge of tears. Correction - she was in tears. And now Chloe was too.

Not wanting to ruin a perfect moment by bringing up all of her conflicting thoughts and feelings Chloe simply settled on turning to face Beca, kissing her with more love and passion than ever before and resting her forehead on Beca's.

"I know, I never stopped loving you either." She whispered as she drifted off into sleep, her body nestled into Beca's perfectly. It really was like old times, falling asleep in one another's arms.

* * *

A beam of faint light permeated the room, Chloe had forgotten to close the shutters before bed - well, that's if you can call a 3 hour nap 'bed'. The light made the room look beautiful, Beca remembered how lucky Chloe was getting an apartment with a bedroom that gets the sunlight in the morning.

"You're leaving?" Beca winced at the sound of Chloe's voice shattering the silence in the room.

She'd hoped she would be able to sneak out before Chloe had woken up, not wanting to have to explain herself. How do you explain to somebody after a night of reminiscing and heartbreaking confessions that once again you were planning on walking out of their life without even a simple explanation? It was a cowardly thing to do - running away - but it was one of the two things Beca was best at; running and mixing. Usually the latter was a by-product of the former, or at least for the last few years it had been.

The brunette inhaled deeply, un-scrunched her face and made a swift turn so she was facing the now upright Chloe in bed. She opened her mouth, trying to find a reasonable excuse for not saying goodbye, but nothing came out.

"I got a voicemail a couple of hours ago" the woman began. "This guy that I know from New York managed to get me a 3 night gig at this massive club but he said I'd have to fly out straight away otherwise he'd give it to somebody else" Beca trailed off. It pained her to see the hurt and confusion spread across the redhead's face.

Beca didn't enjoy hurting Chloe, and yet it was the one thing she never failed to do. "I really need this, Chloe. You get that, right?"

Chloe scoffed and bowed her head in feigned astonishment. "Yeah because it's all about what you need, right. It's never about what I need. Aubrey was right, I really do have MUG written across my forehead. At least wherever you're concerned I do."

"What, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you running away again, Beca. It's like every time you and I make significant progress in our relationship you have to go and erase it all by leaving or purposely screwing up. Why can't you just for once in your life stick around for longer than five minutes, do you really think you can coast your entire way through life without ever confronting your emotions?"

Beca was shocked at how angry Chloe was, she'd never realised just how well the other woman knew her. She was right of course, every thing she said was completely accurate but Beca was never going to admit that. "I really do not know what you're talking about anymore" the brunette laughed. "I told you, I'm going to New York for a few days for this gig and then I'll be back by the end of the week. You'll barely even notice I was gone." The tone in which Beca said this didn't do much to convince Chloe she was telling the truth.

"Will you really, though? Because I've heard all that before, in fact I've heard it a lot of times before, so many in fact that I might even advise you come up with some better lines next time you try to sneak out of somebody's bed without waking them." Chloe was giving it to Beca both barrels now.

Beca's attempts at playing dumb were fruitless, she knew it was time to give it up and be honest with Chloe but she didn't know where to begin. "I'm sorry, Chloe."

"For what.." The older woman scoffed again. "For creeping out at the crack of dawn without saying goodbye? For telling me you still love me and then running away again? For cheating on me? For coming back here and trudging up all these memories and feelings just as I was getting over you? Or just generally for ever meeting me because god knows both of our lives would have been so much easier had we never have gotten into a relationship in the first place!"

Beca stood in the middle of the room, astounded. Chloe, too, was shocked at the words that had just come out of her mouth. They both knew she was angry at Beca for constantly being messed around but neither of them ever knew this was how she felt up until now.

Beca wanted to say something but found that for the first time in her life she was genuinely lost for words. She'd treated Chloe horribly towards the end of their relationship but she never stopped caring about her and she knew that despite everything she'd done, Chloe had never stopped caring about her either. To hear that at some point Chloe had considered how better her life would have been without Beca was like having her heart ripped out. A sense of unease washed over Beca as she began to doubt everything her relationship ever stood for. How long had Chloe felt this way? If she felt so strongly about this, why didn't she tell Beca to leave last night? Was anything she said last night actually true? A thousand questions surged through Beca's brain as Chloe began to speak again.

She wanted to be sorry for what she had said moments ago but the more that she thought about it, the more Chloe realised she needed to say it. Beca needed to hear Chloe out, once and for all, because for the last 6 months of their relationship everything became about Beca as if she was the only person that mattered.

"All I've ever wanted was for you to be honest with me, Beca." Chloe confessed in a more subdued tone.

"I understand that you're not somebody who deals with their emotions easily, I knew that even from the start of our friendship so I tried my hardest to help you with that. And it's because of that, I always valued honesty as the most important element in our relationship. But you could never quite grasp the concept of honesty, could you." The redhead was now choking back her words, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Beca couldn't quite understand how in a matter of hours they'd gone from confessing their love to each other to _this._ She did love Chloe, but she had also had a few hours to think about everything that had transpired over the last 6 hours. They were fucked up. Completely. They'd had a good night but that didnt change the fact Chloe couldn't trust her, and Beca couldn't trust herself. One good night wasn't enough to cling to for a healthy relationship and Beca didn't want to hurt Chloe again. They needed to talk, properly. But Beca didn't do talking very well, not in the light of day. So she ran, because it was the easier option.

"Do you wanna know what hurt the most about you cheating on me, Beca?" Chloe choked out. "It wasn't that you were with another woman, it's that you lied to me and then spent our _anniversary_ with somebody else." Beca's eyes widened at the statement. She knew Chloe knew, but she didn't know she _knew._

"What, you really think I didn't know? It was our 3 year anniversary and I had this massive surprise planned, but then you called about an hour before you were supposed to arrive telling me you couldn't make it because you had to travel to Phily for a last minute gig. I was upset, yeah, but I understood because music was your passion and you were trying so hard to make a career out of it. So you can imagine my surprise when I woke up the next morning to find pictures all over the Internet of you stumbling out of some New York gay club with your tongue down some other girl's throat. Do you have any idea how humiliating that is, Beca? I made excuses for you time after time about why you couldn't come visit your family, I lied to the press about stories which were actually completely accurate but since they didn't paint you in a good light I denied them for your sake, I did everything for this relationship while you did nothing and you went and repaid me by cheating on my on our anniversary of all days. And I NEVER said anything about it! I don't even know why I kept quiet, I think I just wanted you to be honest and tell me yourself and then when you couldn't I had to virtually drag it out of you. You broke my heart Beca and I still gave you a chance. I let you continue to walk all over me, I was a fool for that, but when I let you back into my heart last night I honestly thought you'd changed. Evidently I'm a sucker for pain because congratulations Beca, you did it again. You broke my heart."

Beca bit her lip and closed her eyes for a moment, she'd screwed things up again and she could tell there was no coming back from this, so she gathered her things and walked towards the door in defeat.

"I'm really sorry I keep doing this to you, I don't intend to hurt you that's just naturally how I am. For as little as its worth, I wasn't lying when I said I still love you."

"I know Beca but it isn't enough, not for us." And with that the brunette offered a saddened smile before walking out of the redhead's life again. This was how it was supposed to be, despite neither of them wanting it that way.

* * *

Beca sat in the airport cafe swirling her tea with a spoon while looking despondently into the distance. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sat there but the guy at the counter wouldn't stop staring at her, and her tea was virtually ice cold, so she assumed she'd been there for a while now. She kept going over everything Chloe had said in her head, trying to make sense of it all. Looking at the masses of couples who passed her by - young couples, old couples, affectionate couples, stressed couples - she finally realised where she'd gone wrong.

Ever since her first encounter with Chloe, Beca had felt a strong connection between the two of them. Chloe could be forceful but she knew exactly how much she could push Beca without overstepping the mark, she inspired Beca and encouraged her to go after the things she wanted, she filled Beca with confidence and love. Fundamentally, Chloe was Beca's muse. But somewhere along the way from her days at Barden to her nights on the road Beca had lost that muse. Beca had become less about the sincerity of her music and more about the hype surrounding her; the electric feeling she got when hearing people chant her name. Beca had let it all go to her head and as a result she lost the most important person in her life.

Despite believing things were almost certainly unfixable between herself and Chloe, the brunette had to at least tell the redhead how she really felt and how sorry she was for any pain she had ever caused her. Beca needed Chloe to know for her own sake if no one else's.

The brunette raced back to Chloe's apartment going through all the possible things she would say to the redhead and for the first time in a long time Beca felt sick; the thought of laying her heart on the line made her feel nauseous, but then, that's a good thing right? That means it's real.

Beca pounded on the apartment door, panting from all the running - that damn broken elevator - and nauseous from emotions. The familiar locks of auburn greeted her again for the second time in 12 hours but before Chloe could verbalise the confused expression on her face, Beca started pouring her heart out to the woman in front of her.

"I'm a coward," she began bluntly. "I'm the biggest coward in the world, because you're right, I run away from things when I get scared. I don't like letting people in because that gives people an open opportunity to hurt you; it's like saying: hey I'm open, take your shot! But you made me let you in Chloe, I didn't want to but you wouldn't stop pushing. I tried to fight it for so long but eventually I didn't have a choice; you made me fall in love with you."

"What so it's my fault you cheated on me? A lot of people are emotionally stunted Beca, they don't all go cheat on their partners!"

The hurt in Chloe's expression was too much for Beca to take, she finally let the tears she had been holding back roll freely down her cheeks. Beca didn't cry often but whenever she did it always managed to tug at Chloe's heart, probably because she knew that when Beca did cry it was because she was at her most vulnerable. This time was no exception.

"No no no, that's not what I'm saying. I cheated on you because I'm weak and because, as cruel as it is, part of me needed to hurt you before you could hurt me. It sounds pathetic, believe me I know, but I want to change that. My music isn't what it used to be and I think that's because I lost my inspiration, I lost you. I know I don't deserve another chance and I would completely understand if you shut this door in my face, but you haven't yet so I can only take that as a good sign." The brunette paused to catch her breath, she really was pouring her heart out now.

"I've made a lot of mistakes in our relationship and I have a lot of regrets; I regret cheating on you, I regret lying to you, I regret neglecting you and running away from you whether it was 10 months ago or 3 hours ago. I don't need that DJ lifestyle I've been living for the last 2 years, I just need you because I still love you and my biggest regret is ever trying to fight that."

The two women stood in silence, both in tears. Beca could feel Chloe's eyes burning through her eyes, her tears burning her cheeks.

"Can you say something? Anything at all, just to let me know where you're at." Beca eventually broke the silence, almost begging the other woman.

"I- I don't know.." Chloe finally mustered up before stopping herself. She took a deep breath and closed the gap between her and Beca, crashing their lips together while taking the brunette in her arms. The kiss was passionate, electric, and it only deepened when Beca pushed the redhead up against the doorframe. Beca attempted to gain entrance with her tongue but pulled away from the kiss when she felt Chloe's hesitation.

The women rested their heads on one another, never losing each others gaze through teary eyes. "I swear to god if you hurt me again Beca, I'll never forgive you."

"I know, I promise that'll never happen. And I'm sorry it took me this long to finally be honest with you. I'm gonna work out that bit too." Both women half-giggled, half-cried at their emotional states.

Beca giggled to herself again. "What?" The redhead asked in amusement.

"Nothing. It's just, I saw this sign last night and I thought it was the most cliched thing in the world but now that I think about it, it's actually pretty accurate."

"What did it say?" Chloe was intrigued.

"The worst mistake you can make is walking away from the one person who actually stood there and waited for you."

Chloe smiled at Beca's reply before changing the subject to breakfast. "I'm starving, have you eaten yet?"

"No, I spent the entire time in the airport cafe thinking about our argument. Actually, I have an idea.." Beca smirked as a lightbulb went off in her head. "How do you fancy an all-day breakfast? There's something I want to show you.."

The redhead was confused by the latter part of Beca's suggestion but the cooked breakfast sounded like heaven so she took the outstretched arm that waited for her and momentarily let go of any pain and conflict inside her. Both women knew things weren't going to be perfect, or even easy for that matter, but Beca was trying and for now that was enough for Chloe.


End file.
